WomenSV Creates Free Advocacy Resource Guide Focused on Coercive Control and Covert Abuse
Covert abuse and coercive control are insidious forms of domestic violence that often go unrecognized, yet have devastating consequences. WomenSV (Women of Silicon Valley), a nonprofit educational center, has created a comprehensive free advocacy resource guide to assist advocates and allies dealing with subtle forms of abuse. Founded by Ruth Darlene, Los Altos-based WomenSV has directly supported over 1500 survivors in the past thirteen years and maintains its dedication to empowering survivors, providers, and communities with essential information about hidden abuse. The new resource, accessible on WomenSV’s website, is a valuable tool for both allies and advocates.
WomenSV offers the resource as a primer to familiarize advocates with knowledge and tools to help recognize coercive control and effectively support survivors. It’s intended to supplement, not replace, advocate training. “Advocates usually receive surprisingly little training on subtle forms of abuse,” explains Founder and Executive Director Ruth Darlene. “Our goal is to provide communities with knowledge, tools and resources to support this previously underserved population of survivors.”
WomenSV’s Domestic Violence Advocate Training for Covert Abuse and Coercive Control covers the following topics:
What is Coercive Control?
Coercive control is a pattern of behavior by an abuser to dominate their victim through isolation, intimidation, and control. Coercive control can be overt, meaning obvious, or covert, meaning subtle. It can involve behaviors ranging anywhere from gaslighting to strangulation — and just about everything in between. It tends to be a gender-based phenomenon with the vast majority of cases being men exerting control over women, though it is important to acknowledge that like all forms of domestic violence it occurs across all gender and relationship dynamics.
Coercive control often involves psychological manipulation and emotional abuse, which are notoriously challenging to detect and address. As subtle as this abuse may seem, the implications are serious. Coercive control is a lethality risk, present in a disturbing amount of cases involving intimate partner violence.
Covert abuse is subtle and hidden, making the victim doubt their reality, while overt abuse is explicit and easily recognizable.
Overt Coercive Control
Overt coercive control involves explicit actions and behaviors aimed at controlling the victim. This can include:
- Threats and intimidation: Making threats to harm the victim or their loved ones, either verbally or by physical implication.
- Verbal abuse: Preventing the victim from seeing friends and family.
- Controlling: Demanding constant access to the victim’s passwords and accounts; using apps to track their whereabouts and activities.
- Physical abuse: Physical violence, brandishing weapons, forced sleep deprivation, dangerous driving, lashing out at a child or pet.
Covert Coercive Control / Covert Abuse
Covert abuse is more subtle and hidden, often making the victim doubt their reality. It includes:
- Covert threats: Subtle, implied threats made to intimidate the victim and fly under everyone else’s radar
- Gaslighting: Manipulating the victim into questioning their sanity.
- Emotional manipulation: Using guilt, fear, and shame to control the victim.
- Emotional abuse: Eroding the victim’s confidence and self-worth.
- Silent treatment: Withdrawing affection and communication as a form of punishment.
Financial Abuse
Financial abuse involves controlling a victim’s ability to acquire, use, and maintain financial resources. This can manifest as:
- Restricting access to finances: Preventing the victim from having their own bank account or credit card.
- Monitoring spending: Closely scrutinizing all expenses.
- Sabotaging employment: Preventing the victim from getting or keeping a job.
- Coerced debt: Using debt as a means of exerting control.
Technology-Facilitated Abuse
In today’s digital age, abusers can exploit technology to exert control. Technology-facilitated abuse includes:
- Cyberstalking: Using the internet to monitor and harass the victim.
- Revenge porn: Sharing real or AI-generated intimate images without the subject’s consent.
- Digital monitoring: Installing spyware or tracking devices on the victim’s devices; using hidden cameras, smart cars or smart home devices for surveillance.
- Harassment: Launching smear campaigns online using websites or social media platforms.
What is the Legal Definition of Domestic Violence?
Did you know that the legal definition of domestic violence differs depending on location? In the United States, federal and state definitions of domestic violence are different. Awareness of the laws surrounding domestic violence in a given location is key to determine the legal rights of survivors.
Under federal law, domestic violence is defined as “a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, psychological, or technological actions or threats of actions or other patterns of coercive behavior that influence another person within an intimate partner relationship. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, terrorize, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, injure, or wound someone.”
Under California law, domestic violence is “abuse committed against an adult or any minor who is a spouse, former spouse, cohabitant, former cohabitant, a person with whom the suspect has had a child or is having or has had a dating or engagement relationship. Same gender relationships are included. Abuse means intentionally or recklessly causing or attempting to cause bodily injury, or placing another person in reasonable apprehension of imminent serious bodily injury to himself or another.”
Coercive Control in California Law: Family Code 6320
Originally, California’s definition of domestic violence did not include coercive control. Family Code 6320 changed history by recognizing coercive control as a form of domestic violence. This law allows courts to issue restraining orders to protect individuals from behaviors that control, isolate, or intimidate them. Coercive control includes acts that unreasonably limit a person’s freedom and autonomy. An abuser who uses coercive control and violates a restraining order can face consequences in criminal court.
The Power and Control Wheel
Created by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project, The Power and Control Wheel is a tool used to understand the dynamics of abusive relationships. It illustrates how abusers use different tactics to gain and maintain control over their victims, including emotional abuse, isolation, intimidation, and economic abuse.
A deeper dive into this subject is available in a video posted to WomenSV’s YouTube channel, where Ruth Darlene gives an overview of the Power and Control Wheel as it relates to elements of coercive control covered by Family Code 6320.
The Slippery Slope of Abusive Relationships and the Cycle of Abuse
Abusive relationships often follow an escalation process, starting with subtle control tactics that gradually become more severe. Understanding the slippery slope can help victims and advocates recognize the warning signs early and take action to prevent further abuse.
The Cycle of Abuse describes the repetitive pattern of abusive behavior, which includes:
- Tension building: Stress and strain in the relationship leading to a feeling of “walking on eggshells”.
- Incident: The occurrence of the abusive behavior.
- Honeymoon / calm: A period of peace before the tension starts building again.
Recognizing Covert Abuse Survivors and Perpetrators
Recognizing covert abuse requires keen observation of subtle signs. “You can’t tell just by looking at them,” says Ruth. Abuse occurs across all demographics, so advocates must set aside personal bias and assumptions when working with survivors.
Survivors may exhibit:
- PTSD symptoms: Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder can make it difficult to recall details of traumatic events.
- Anxiety and depression: Domestic abuse can cause anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues.
- Isolation: Limited social interactions due to the abuser’s control.
- Shame and low self-esteem: Eroded confidence and self-worth.
Perpetrators, on the other hand, may:
- Charm and manipulate: Appear charming to others while controlling their victim.
- Deny abuse: Deny or minimize their abusive behavior.
- Blame the victim: Shift responsibility onto the victim.
Understanding Sophisticated Abusers
Sophisticated abusers are adept at hiding their abusive behavior. They often:
- Maintain a positive public image: Appear respectable and kind to others.
- Manipulate professionals: Convince therapists, police, and others that they are the victim.
- Use legal systems: Exploit the legal system to harass and further control their victim.
Understanding Victims and Survivors of Coercive Control
Victims and survivors of coercive control often face unique challenges:
- Fear and anxiety: Constant fear of the abuser’s actions.
- Isolation: Feeling alone and unsupported.
- Confusion and self-doubt: Questioning their reality and judgment due to the abuser’s manipulation.
Impacts of PTSD on Domestic Abuse Survivors
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is common among domestic abuse survivors. PTSD can severely impact a survivor’s ability to function and heal. Symptoms include:
- Flashbacks: Reliving traumatic events.
- Avoidance: Avoiding reminders of the abuse.
- Hypervigilance: Being constantly on guard.
- Difficulty communicating: PTSD can cause survivors to seem frazzled and fragmented when communicating, which impacts their credibility when misunderstood. Someone with PTSD may struggle to remember key details of traumatic events, and may need multiple attempts to tell the full story.
Impact of Coercive Control on Children
Children exposed to coercive control can suffer long-term impacts, including:
- Behavioral issues: Acting out or withdrawing.
- Emotional distress: Anxiety, depression, and fear.
- Developmental delays: Difficulty in cognitive and social development.
It’s crucial to support these children with appropriate interventions and counseling.
Trauma-Informed Tips for Advocates Working with Survivors
Advocates working with survivors of coercive control can adopt a trauma-informed approach by:
- Creating a safe space: Ensure the survivor feels safe and respected.
- Validating feelings: Acknowledge and validate the survivor’s experiences and emotions.
- Empowering: Focus on empowering the survivor by providing information and choices. Let her know that resources and support are available, and she no longer has to go through this alone.
Screening Tools for Coercive Control
Effective screening tools can help identify coercive control in relationships. WomenSV explains and includes two essential tools in their guide: The Danger Assessment and the Women’s Experience with Battering (WEB) Scale.
Safety Planning
Creating a safety plan is essential for survivors of coercive control. Key components include:
- Emergency contacts: A list of trusted people to contact in an emergency.
- Safe places: Identifying safe locations to go to.
- Important documents: Keeping important documents and essentials ready to leave quickly.
WomenSV has a page dedicated to safety planning, with multiple related resources available on their website.
Resources
WomenSV hosts an online directory of resources for survivors and advocates. National, State and Bay Area organizations and services are listed in the directory along with educational resources.
WomenSV’s free advocacy resource guide is a comprehensive tool designed to empower survivors of covert abuse and coercive control. By providing detailed information on various forms of abuse and support strategies, WomenSV aims to create a safer and more informed community. Whether you are a survivor, advocate, or ally, this guide offers invaluable insights and practical support to combat domestic violence and support those affected.
